i'm amber go me!

from zach braff <zoundsitszachbraff@gmail.com> hide details 1:10 pm (54 minutes ago)
to sugah[edit]@net
date Jun 28, 2007 1:10 PM
subject have you hugged your braff today?
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Hottie With That Slammin’ Body,

I feel as though it has been far too long since you have hugged your Braff. I mean, I sit here with open arms as I wait to hug the garbage man and thank him for a job well done and you’re on my hug list and yet you do not come. I sit, and wait and wait for your ample bossom to come and squeeze itself against my willing chest and instead all that comes close to my beautiful man boobs are a few wandering flies as they swarm around the bags of trash. But seriously, this disheartens me to no end. But I will wait for eternity if I have to because your love, I feel, is worth it. Even if they have to cancel Scrubs because I am sitting here in my lawn chair in a pile of my own waste (although I mean, if the garbage man is coming by I see no reason why he can’t take that with him as well – it’s his job and all, right?) and dreaming of one day totally being able to sex you up in a public restroom. Preferably a gas station’s bathroom because then we could pretend we were Britney and K-Fed and damn baby, you know how I long to be ghetto white trash. Meaning, I get to be Britney. I’ve got the right dance moves for that role. I kind of hope they make a movie about her and I would totally audition for that shit. Braffy Spears: can you handle my truth? I know you’re going to be over at Amber’s tonight so I’ll make sure to call. I haven’t talked to either of you in awhile, I mean other than the dirty talk in my dreams where you are totally the Sandy to my Danny Zuko – black leather and all. But apparently Amber’s planning a trip up to Hogwarts to go visit for a week during the summer and since I don’t know if I trust that shady Harry character I thought I could impose and join in. I can’t help it that I’m a jealous man. Baby, you make it so hard. You’re so hot and all the boys want your milkshake and I have to tell them NO THAT IS MY MILKSHAKE BACK AWAY, JUST BACK AWAY. In other words, I love you. Anyway, I’ll call tonight and send Hermione and email to let him know when we’re coming. I think I’ll have to send Harry a little threat. You know, just in case he’s getting any ideas. Perhaps something involving breaking his wand (also known as his tiny excuse for a penis) should he so much as look at you from the neck down. EYES UP, POTTER! EYES UP!

Lovingly,
Zach